As we approach the 15th June when non-essential shops can open, the Government is looking at other changes to ease lockdown. MP’s want the UK to return to business to help the economy, but avoid a second wave of Coronavirus.
The first change Prime Minister Boris Johnson is considering, is to reduce the 2m self-distancing. The Government has looked at a distance of 1m, as other countries have done, but are concerned that as the average person has an arm span of 168cm, it may not be enough as people may still touch fingertips. The current idea is that 150 centimetres could be the new distance, but only if you do not have long fingernails. If you do, then you may extend it to 160cm unless your a person with large biceps, in which case it may need to be be 170cm. If you come close to someone who also has long arms, then the distance changes to 178cm, unless you have a small forehead, as this will require slightly less space.
People wearing stilts will be required to measure the length of the stilt and then combine that with the inside leg measurements of the other person, before calculating the longest average distance after checking both legs. Clowns wearing oversized shoes may reduce any of the above measurements by 5cm. Labour have complained this may be a bit complicated, but the Government are confident they can trust the public to follow instructions.
The next consideration to easing lockdown is checking a persons blood type. Those with common O-type blood are less likely to be infected by Coronavirus, by some odd percent, so may be allowed to venture out further than those with A or B type blood. If you have AB positive or AB negative, you may only be allowed to go to the end of your road, after you have completed a form to give to the oldest person in your house.
the rules about coming out of lockdown are rather complicated
Ministers are also keen for people to return to work, to kick start the economy. If a person works in an office, they should not go to work, unless they really must. Anyone working outside, must continue to work, unless it rains in which case they should go home. Working from home is allowed, unless someone shouts ‘no work’ before 9am. If you work alone, you should phone a friend before turning on your laptop. Those allergic to electronics are allowed to use a whiteboard for home working, unless someone younger than seven has touched it in the last 3 days. Food breaks are authorised as long as you wash your hands and do not consume smelly fish.
The Government is also looking at support bubbles to help those living on their own. A family of four may create a support bubble with an elderly person, but only if they can all fit in a zorb ball. The zorb ball is allowed to travel with the family to the elderly persons home, but only if it will fit through patio doors once inflated. Grandparents are allowed to hug their grandchildren, but not sons or daughters, who must stand on the pavement during the ‘hugging phase’. An elderly person may have a support bubble with another elderly person, unless one does not like ‘mint aero’ chocolate, as there could be a chance of contamination, whilst sharing bubbles.
The next rule being discussed by Boris and his chums, is how close you are allowed to get to friends. You are allowed to go to a friends house for a BBQ, but you may not use the indoor toilet. If the friend does not have an outdoor toilet, you may only consume one drink if the weather is below 20 degrees Celsius. If the day is hotter, you may enjoy two drinks and a small bunch of grapes, as long as you do not offer the grapes to anyone from the other household. You are not allowed to stay over at the friends house, but both families are allowed to camp outside a zoo together, as long as both have entry tickets to the zoo the following day.
The Government are confident that their new ‘test and trace’ system will be up and running soon, which will help to monitor the spread of Coronavirus. Once a person has been tested, it is their responsibility to go straight home and ‘trace’ around their right hand. Once done, this should be placed in the window of the house. For each day you wait for the results, you should colour in a finger on the ‘trace’. If all fingers are coloured in before your results arrive, you are allowed to go outside, unless your ring finger is longer than your index finger – in which case, you will also need to colour in the thumb before going out, but only if you wear a wristband.
There have also been questions raised about people entering the UK via airports and ports. The Government are confident they have this under control, as those entering will need to complete a form to confirm they will self-quarantine for 14 days. Those entering the UK who cannot read English can ask for a form in their own language to be sent to their home address, which will need to be returned within 28 days. Those who provide a false address on the form, will not need to isolate for 14 days. Anybody who does not have their own signature will be allowed to sign the form with a large ‘X’. The Home Secretary has been blasted for this policy, but has responded by saying that you cannot discriminate against those who cannot write.
