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Worst Valentines Presents Ever

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. The traditional day of the year when card shops make a fortune and forgetful men end up in the dog house. It is also the day when you can tell your better half that you love them, before reverting back to loathing for the next 363 days of the year.

If you have left your Valtenines Day shopping to the last minute, here are some useful tips of presents not to buy for your loved one. Some naive people may think a jokey present will be accepted in good humour, but trust us, it will not be. Not only that, but there is a good chance that you could be thrown out of the house for the evening, but your dinner will end up in the dog too.

Follow our advice, do not forget Valentines Day and steer clear of this little lot and you will be onto a winner tomorrow night with your loved one!

Brief (Beef) Jerky Underwear

One for the meat lovers, but this is a tasty treat to avoid. Nobody actually likes this dried out meat, so who on earth would like the snack turned into some underwear? It’s enough to turn you veggie!

is valentines day just a big scam or do we need a day to say ‘I love you’?

His and Hers Tongue Scraper

We all suffer from a bit of bad breath now and again but Valentines Day is not the day to raise this particular issue. Standing at the sink together scraping fur off your tongue together is not going to put you in a romantic mood – especially if you had a tuna sandwich at lunchtime. Scrape your tongue all you like when alone, but it’s not an activity to be shared.

Heart Shaped Sausage Rolls & Chicken Bites

You may get a tick in the box for finding something unusual and heart shaped, but that’s about it. Sausage rolls are delicious but I have never seen a romantic film where the two people share a moment across a plate of meaty treats. A heart shaped tray made of tin foil is not going to win you a medal for taste and sophistication either.

Valentines Toilet Roll

Anyone brave enough to give a toilet roll as a Valentines present is either extremely confident or looking for a break-up. This dreamy smooth toilet roll comes with the words ‘My Love for you is like diarrhea…I just cant hold it in!’. The perfect present to give for anyone who is looking to spend the evening on their own.

Valentines Toilet Roll

We had to finish with this special and vert thoughtful present. Whether it is an off-the-shelf item or tf the words are bespoke engraved for the buyer, we are not sure. We are also not sure if the picture is a bunch of flowers or a stick of brocolli. It is an incredible present and the led lights just give it that ‘something extra’. Sadly for you, it’s going to hurt a lot when it gets cracked over your head by your partner!

Finally, if you are still short of a gift and are struggling to make ends meet this month, we have one final tip for you. Show your loved one that you care and have taken some time and made an effort to do something thoughful which will make them smile………paint a happy couple on your fingers. That’s enough to melt any heart!

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