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HomeOutside KentNew COVID Rules For September

New COVID Rules For September

For those struggling with the new COVID rules, here is a breif summary to help you…

  • You can meet hundreds of people at work or school and you can brush shoulders, pick their nose and lick their face if you wish?! But you cannot meet more than 6 of these people in leisure time.
  • You cannot go to the pub with more than 5 of your work colleagues, even if it is someones Birthday.
  • If you do not like your work colleagues, you now have a valid reason not to make anyone a beverage.
  • Some offices are limited to the number of staff allowed inside at one time. Employers may use a ‘first come first served’ approach in order to get staff to work earlier or you can use it as a reason to have a ‘fun’ lottery before the work day commences.
  • Thanks to the Government, IT projects are now officially allowed to fail during a pandemic.
  • It now only infects you if there’s 7 or more people in a group and you’re chilling out¸ It cannot infect you at school or work, because it’s scared of the huge crowds of people in working environments.
  • You can still go to a pub where you are in an enclosed building breathing in everyone’s germs, because Covid doesn’t like alcohol.
  • If you are a couple, you may visit another home if they have 2 children or less. If they have 3 children, then one of you will need to decide who is staying indoors that night.
  • A family which has 6 members living in the same house is not allowed any friends.
  • Children may be sent home from school to quarantine for 14 days if they have a sniff or a cough, but any children faking it will be told to continue working at school. Teachers will be educated in working out fake symptoms. Any teacher that coughs will be sent home immediately.
  • Children should wear face masks on public transport, but are allowed to walk around school corridors as close to their friends as they like, without wearing a face mask, as COVID is not good at school.
  • Scientists have discovered that Covid is quite partial to your parents or friends gardens or house or in the open air where social distancing is very easy!
  • In fact, this is so risky that councillors are probably sat round a table in the local pub, discussing the closure of them right now!
  • The Government scientists now say that obese people are more at risk of COVID. Thankfully, the eat-out-to-help-out has helped a lot of people pile on the pounds.
  • It is hoped that some of these overweight people may now take up gym membership, as the Government feels that it owes gym owers a favour for keeping gyms closed the longest.
  • It’s still ok for you to cram into tourists spots, such as beaches, as long as only 6 of you come at once, because 7 might tip it over the edge and make COVID aggressive.
  • You may go on flights but you will have to wear a face mask – but only until the food or drink come round. Then you may sit without a mask and enjoy your in-flight refreshments at your leisure
  • You may go on holiday, although be warned that the Government may change their mind about safe locations and make you quarantine when you get back. Luckily COVID is not as quick as the Government, so you will be given at least 3 days notice to plan your safe return home, before you could be at risk.

We hope you enjoyed this light-hearted article and please send us your own COVID rules!

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