We are well into the holiday season, the time of year when everything stops and you are unable to schedule a work meeting for months because no-one is around.
It has been rather strange this year because holidaymakers have been split into two separate groups. Those who want or can afford to go abroad versus those who have chosen to remain in the UK for their holibobs.
It’s the biggest family decision since the Brexit vote. For those that want to venture to foreign shores, you not only have the fear of catching COVID or the issues of what PCR test or vaccine passport you may need. You also have the battle of Dover or Heathrow, which according to the media, is worse than anything that Napoleon ever had to put up with.
Which is quite amusing really, as the airports seem to have everything sorted out and most planes are leaving on time. Sadly, for those travelling to France by car, you are in for one hell of a journey.
The French being French, they will do whatever is necessary to blame us for their problems, before immediately going on strike. There are many people sitting in sweltering hot cars on a road near Dover, wishing they had just invested their holiday budget in a small pool for their own back garden instead. It is probably hotter in the UK than it is in many overseas holiday destinations anyway.
Although you can’t have a paddling pool in your garden anymore, even though we are living through a heatwave, because most of the UK is now under a hosepipe ban. Unless you want to attempt to try and fill up said pool with a small watering can.
It is incredible that after only one week of hot temperatures there were mumbles of impending hosepipe bans. What is astonishing is that the water companies gave us seven days notice of the upcoming ban. So what did literally every person in the UK do next?
They rushed off to fill up paddling pools, wash their cars and spray their lawns and flowers as much as possible before the deadline. Therefore, the small amount of water that remained in our rapidly diminishing reservoirs is now sitting in a plastic pool in the back garden of number 20. With a lot of urine polluting it!
It is at this point that those who chose to take their holiday in the UK (or even in their own living room) are starting to realise it perhaps wasn’t the best decision after all. With temperatures exceeding those in some parts of Africa and water more scarce than toilet rolls, it’s not the best start for your annual break.
Any venue in the UK that is actually open is absolutely packed and charging £7.50 for a dried-up sandwich. Everywhere else is closed. Because the owners have either gone bankrupt due to COVID / cost of living crisis (please delete as appropriate) or have gone on holiday themselves.
You need to queue for hours or try and purchase one of the few remaining tickets at an increased price for any UK venue. Everywhere appears to be absolutely packed and teeming with too many people all trying to do the same thing.
It’s not far off from what has happened to those poor people stuck in the queues outside Dover. It just raises your stress levels and makes your blood pressure go off the scale. Which makes you wonder why you even bothered to go on holiday in the first place!
